Friday, January 19, 2007

The grocery store

I loathe shopping for groceries. All the choices are overwhelming and throw me into a semi-panic attack. Do we REALLY need 10 different brands of toilet paper bundled according to roll size, number of rolls, with or without ripples, some have aloe....for the love of God's ASS wipe!!!! I highly doubt my posterior knows or cares if the toilet paper has ripples!!! It's not a bag of potato chips for cryin' out loud!!! No matter what time of day I shop, it always seems to be the day the social security checks arrived. 90% of the customers today were 80 and over. Shuffling along the aisles, stopping whenever and wherever without regard to who might be behind them or trying to get around them. They have a permanent look of bewilderment and I can't blame them, really. Most of them probably grew up using the Sears catalog in the outhouse. Now, they have to decide what's better......aloe or ripples???? I actually kind of, I said KIND OF, feel sorry for them because they seem to use the grocery store as their social outing. As I was throwing in can after can of Friskies Prime Select Chicken in Gravy cat food into my cart, a woman with blue hair and Sally Jessy Raphael glasses had the audacity to reach into my cart to scrutinize the cans of cat food. She picked up a can and in her nasally, whiny voice said " Your cat must like this kind." Gee, Einstein, ya think? She then tried to engage me in a conversation about cat food!!! She asked me some off the wall question to which I screwed up my face and said "What?" I took that as my cue to get the hell out of that aisle. For the next 20 minutes I dodged, darted and slithered through the store trying to avoid "Cat Food Lady." I finally made my way to the checkout line only to get behind some dumbass who kept sending the clerk back for different cigarettes. I'm too tired to even start in on that whole scene. I'll save it for a rainy day.


Jake's Mom said...

Good ranting. Loved it!! Grocery shopping is right up there with cleaning the potties. And who tastes the cat food anyway to see if it's better than the competition????? You should have given the old the can and said bon appetite!! ha

Coaster Punchman said...

You should do what I do and paste a permanent scowl on your face. That way strangers leave you alone, even the nice ones. It's great.

Oh and what kills me is when I go to the grocery store in the evening and old people are STILL in my way. I want to scream "get out of here and come back in the middle of the day like you're supposed to!" I mean, it's not like they have jobs to go to.

Coaster Punchman said...

Oh and one time I was REALLY pissed when I went to have blood drawn at a lab before work. I showed up at about 7:00 hoping I could be out of there in about half an hour and get to work by 9:00. And what do I find? About thirty 80 year olds waiting! I'm like "WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE TAKING UP THESE EARLY PRE-WORK TIMES FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO GO TO JOBS??? CAN'T YOU COME DO THIS AT 10:00 AM?" That really made me mad.

Can you tell I'm bitter about people that don't have to work??