Friday, March 9, 2007

Anxious people

Nooooo I'm not talking about gas!!! I'm talking about those annoying people, like certain co-workers of mine, who can turn ANYTHING into a crisis. I work in Occupational Medicine...we deal with work comp injuries, OSHA and all that gloriously boring industrial shit. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz Trust me, there is no such thing as an Occ Med emergency...I'm talking clinic wise....not like the type when someone in a factory gets their head caught in some piece of machinery. Ya gotta be a special kind of stupid to do some of the crap we see. I was a family practice nurse for 2o odd years and we always had our "frequent flyers." The people who basically supported all of our bad habits and vacations for many years. The ones who cough or sneeze and have to be seen's never just a headache, it's a brain tumor. It's never just a cold, it's pneumonia...those people. Now, where was I? Forgive my Chardonnay induced brain fart. Oh yeah... Occ Med. My job share partner, can seriously turn anything into a HUGE crisis. She LOVES meetings and likes to involve lots and lots of people. Anything she undertakes turns into a GD Dog and Pony Show. She has never adhered to the theory of the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. She travels in a constant circle. The slightest change just sets her off. For example, one time, the nurse I always work with and I decided to "redecorate" the office. We moved a few things, including the coffee pot. We moved it to the left exactly 6, yes SIX as in half a foot, inches. Jeezy Peesy you'd a thought we'd torn out the walls!! She called me, practically hysterical ( which is her per usual state) " Did you move the coffee pot? I keep walking over to the spot it USED to be in and it's not there. I feel like I'm spinning!!" Spinning? We moved it six fucking inches you stupid bitch!!! We also had the audacity to throw out the phone call logs she had kept for the last SEVEN years. These are just her non-legal daily entries into a Mead notebook. I had to hear about it for the next two weeks. When she orientated me to the job, I should have run. I set a pencil down on the desk and it wasn't exactly perpendicular to the edge of the desk. I watched her break out in a sweat before she finally reached out and straightened the pencil.. I spent the first two weeks watching her check, recheck, and re-recheck her emails. She is incapable of writing an email without having at least two other people check it before she finally sends it. I shit you not. This woman is the poster child for OCD. Me, being the resident "bad girl" takes full advantage of this by purposely leaving the work area in a state of disarray at the end of my work week. Crumbs on the desk, pens, etc...all over...just to get a rise out of her. I also write illegibly in her famous "notebook." Drives her nuts. The other thing she does is calls me incessantly.. for someone who professes to be the Occ Med Queen, she sure friggin calls me alot with a million questions. I can write out the most explicit explanation and she STILL doesn't get it. The other day, she told me one of the doctors yelled at her and said " Why do you always have to make everything sooooo difficult?" I simply replied " So, why do you?" She didn't answer. Oh, she also keeps a "tattletale" notebook. She honest to God keeps track of other people's mistakes and writes them down in a notebook. What the ???? Who DOES this kind of thing? I should add one of her sons has an OCD. Before he leaves a room, he has to make a pattern on the door with his finger. Gee, wonder where he gets that? This woman is close to 60, has had a heart attack and TWO bypass surgeries...her hubby is a bank president, her children are grown and doing well. Now, you tell me why she is working???? If my employer would pay her to stay home, I'd be in heaven. All she does is screw up things...I'm starting to feel like I'm the "clean up crew." There are employers who call me at the end of each month to get my work schedule for the next month, because they don't want to deal with her. She's sooo dumb. HOW did she EVER pass her nursing boards?????? She's never actually had much hands on nursing experience. She freaks out if she has to help the LPN's because she doesn't feel comfortable due to her lack of experience. Oh my God.....I have to take a blood pressure? She's clueless and lazy. I welcome any and all suggestions for getting this woman to retire. Oh, some of her bypasses are already clogged. Golly, that's too bad. LOL LOL

The One and Only Nurse Ratchet